18 December 2013

Wordful Wednesday//Let's Talk About Lyme, Baby

Have you ever been out with the most gorgeous guy ever, at a nearly empty movie theater, watching an extremely gory remake of one of your favorite horror movies when suddenly you feel it coming...the quick editing and flickering of lights on the movie screen suddenly conjuring up dread in your stomach?

You first feel the slight tremors in your hands and legs along with your face becoming quickly flushed.
Trying to speak to the guy beside of you to tell him you'll be right back is impossible--your lips won't move and if you don't act soon, your legs won't move either.

So you limp to the bathroom, the bright lights nearly making you pass out, and fall--just in time--into a stall where you can peacefully have your seizure.

Of course, "peacefully" here means being alone for about two seconds. While you're sprawled out on the floor (at least you remembered to lock the stall's door), legs jerking all over the place, women are filing into the bathroom like maniacs. Jumping over each other to apply lipstick, attacking each other for the handicap stall, gossiping about Shelby's hooker dress--my god, did you see that? Bless her heart.

I can hear it all because when I have a seizure, I'm usually conscious.
Your muscles begin contracting, relaxing...contracting, relaxing. When my muscles contract as hard as they can, almost to the point of a cramp, it feels like that burn that affects your muscles after a good workout. Except, this is a horrible workout.

My right ear almost always goes deaf--a scary experience which can precede the seizure itself, allowing me to act before my legs give out or I pass out (which can happen--I'm not always conscious).

The scariest thing for me is the loss of control. My body, this thing I've controlled the movements of for years, suddenly decides NO! your legs don't need to work or your legs should jerk really quickly right now, you should start rolling and twitching your neck, and well, maybe you should just go ahead and pass out right here in the middle of Bojangle's while you're eating.

So why do I have these vile things? Lyme is the answer.

Because I've been afflicted with what is defined as chronic Lyme disease, I have neurological symptoms because the Lyme has been able to pass through my body (via the blood-brain barrier) into my brain. Seizures are just one of the neurological symptoms I deal with, but are easily one of the hardest to deal with.

Now, if you're wondering whatever happened to me, the cute boy, and the scary movie...I ended up brushing myself off, walking bravely (albeit a little shakily) back into the theater to sit down next to the boy who then asked, "Where did you go? You totally missed this girl cutting her own arm off."

Man, what a night.

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