28 June 2016

What's Your Poison?: Botox for Migraines

Head in Hands migraine chronic pain
This guy feels my pain

I have a longstanding history of chronic migraines.
Ruthless migraines.
They were the first symptom of my Lyme disease and unfortunately, they've stuck with me just like the Lyme disease has.

I have suffered from migraines since I was around 15 or 16 years old--but back then, I thought it was normal for everyone to have a headache every single day! Of course, my migraines were nowhere close to being as severe back then as they are now.

Several medications have helped here and there, but nothing seems to be the one.
I've found Imitrex to be a complete savior when one of those migraines comes around that just completely knocks you down. The only thing that would save you would be sleep, but the pain is so bad you can't sleep. In those cases, Imitrex pretty much saves the day.

If you suffer from migraines like I do, you know it's not "just a headache."
It can range somewhere in-between a feeling of being in that scene from Psycho to pulling an 18-wheeler truck from chains attached to your forehead. Yeah, I went there.

When you're in that much pain daily, you'll do almost whatever you can in your power to take the pain away. Right?!

My neurologist had actually suggested Botox a while back but I mildly brushed it off, thinking oral medications should and would work. Then I basically forgot about it--mostly because I just didn't think insurance would pay for it.

But on my most recent visit, as I came stumbling in with dark sunglasses covering my sickly face, about to vomit over anyone or everyone due to the massive migraine I was experiencing, she turned me again to the idea of Botox. This time, I couldn't say no. Especially when insurance decided they would pay. Even though you usually need to have Botox treatments 3-4 times a year, I would STILL take that over medicine that was barely even working 1-3x day!

When I first saw the eye doctor, he was pretty straightforward and thorough as to what would happen with the Botox procedure.
He even drew me out a little chart showing me where the Botox would be inserted. I don't know why, but I found this oddly reassuring before I went in for the procedure a few weeks later. I felt prepared. Like, "Yep. Gonna get some needles here. A few there. I'll be good." I guess it was because my eyes were going to be closed and for the most part, I'm so used to seeing  what's going on with a lot of my medical procedures. I know this was NOTHING compared to what I've gone through before, but when anything is near my eyeballs, it freaks me out a bit.

Now. You're probably wondering. DID IT HURT? 

To be honest, I figure it really depends on where exactly in your face you are getting the shots. For the most part, around my eyes and forehead, it just felt like someone tweezing my face. Some places were a little more painful...it wasn't quite like a bee sting...it was more like a fire ant bite.
The worst for me was around the arches of my eyebrows, actually. You know where you can press down on your eyebrows for sinus relief, and when you do, it really hurts but at the same time it feels really good? Yeah well this just really hurt.

So...what about relief, right??

It's been about a week, the time frame of which the eye doc said the Botox would probably kick in. A family member asked me the other day if it had been working and I started to tell them I didn't know yet, but then I realized I hadn't had a headache or a migraine the past two days. I have no idea if it's a coincidence or not yet, but I'm excited to see! Fingers crossed, I'll keep you all up-to-date on this journey of mine...

23 June 2016

Thursday Threads: Heat of the Moment

Thunderstruck by thezorya featuring ross simons earrings

It's been hot, humid, and let's face it--downright sticky. 
This outfit was inspired by me trying to find something I could wear casually for a date.

The cotton shirt is a must in this heat. Anything silky is just out of the question for me right now so I'm sticking to light fabrics; this top looks sweet and cool--especially with the fringe! 

I think nude heels with jeans are a great look right now, but these wedges really caught my eye. They just shout out summer to me! 

Lastly, to "spruce up" the outfit a bit, I added a nice clutch and drop earrings. It's not over-the-top but it does the trick. 

What would be your ideal outfit to wear for a summer date night?

14 June 2016

Playlist: "Breathe Happy"

A Sunflower's Dream

How HOT has it been as of late? 
I can barely justify going outside right now because of the heat. So like the hermit I am, I've been doing nothing but watching movies, reading, and yes--turning up some tunes! (And the AC.)

So with that being said, let's just see what I've been listening to...

The Dø have come out with some great songs. And this is one of them! Olivia Merilahti's voice is just beautiful. Just beautiful. And while the song has a sense of gloominess to it, it is overshadowed by purity. 

This song, "Full Circle," by Half Moon Run is not new but certainly new to me. It's very indie-folk and honestly, reminds me of something Band of Horses would be singing; it's similar and that's not a bad thing by any means.

Okay, when you start listening to this one, you'll think...this sounds familiar. And you're right! It's a cover of Jennifer Paige's "Crush" from the '90s. But amped up. And I love it.

Even though the lyrics of this song clearly say, "I'm not gonna leave the best for last," I might just be doing so. This song makes me so happy; it's catchy and dreamy and if you don't want to get up and dance to it, then at least do like me--sway your head while you're lying in bed ha!

07 June 2016

Book Review: Fragments of Isabella by Isabella Leitner

fragments isabella holocaust jew

Goodreads description (x): 
On May 29, 1944, the day after Isabella Katz’s twenty-third birthday, she, her family, and all the Jews in the ghetto in Kisvárda, Hungary, were rounded up by Nazi storm troopers, packed into cattle cars, and deported to Auschwitz. There, Dr. Josef Mengele, the so-called Angel of Death, scrutinized the family and decided who would live—for a time—and who would die. Isabella and three of her sisters waged a daily battle to survive, giving one another strength, courage, and love, promising themselves that they would cheat the crematoriums and end each day alive.

My rating: 4 out of 5 hoots

owl rating

I believe I've it said before on this blog, but to reiterate, I am and have always been interested in war. I don't think I'll truly be able to grasp the horrors of WWII and the Holocaust, but learning about it and educating others—especially through literature—can be a great thing. 

When I was asked if I would like to read Fragments of Isabella, I agreed. Auschwitz was one of the worst concentration camps of the Holocaust, so to be able to read a memoir from someone who was there would be, I knew, raw and emotional. 

It is a short read, with short chapters, and even for the most part, short and concise sentences. 
This makes for a one-day read that is overall, powerful and touching. 

Josef Mengele is mentioned a few times, and I was astonished that the author actually came into contact with him. Of course it wouldn't be impossible, I just haven't read a memoir yet where the author spoke about actually being in close proximity with Mengele. There was just such indifference towards him, which was odd considering how he was notorious for being truly awful—even nicknamed the “Angel of Death.” Leitner was one tough cookie. Irma Grese was also briefly talked about and how she would choose specific women to be punished, mainly based on how attractive they were to her. 

Because the chapters are so short, sometimes the book confused me as to where the characters were physically at, and the events take place so quickly that it's hard to wrap your head around what exactly is going on all the time. Most of the time you can regain your footing, brush yourself off, and realize what it is Leitner is describing. But a few times, you're still left lost. 

I admit, Isabella Leitner's writing was a bit hard for me to read at first. I was enjoying the story, but not her too-short sentences or what seemed to me like almost apathetic emotional responses to the situations at hand. Trust me though when I say you need to read just a few more chapters—or even one more chapter—and you will read what I and others have read and thanked Leitner in our hearts for sharing. 

What gripped me almost more than what happened in the camps to the Jews, was what happened outside and around them when they walked the streets and passed by everyone. Leitner says of this:
  “But the Germans never saw us. Ask them. They never saw us. Come to think of it, they really didn't.” 

One of the saddest quotes I found was Leitner telling herself, “...I don't know yet how people live, I know only how they die.” The author and so many of those members of the Holocaust had to watch their family members be murdered. Be burned right in front of them. Be shot down. So for Isabella to have survived—how wonderful! But how painful, to carry all those memories for the rest of her life.

With that said, you must read what her husband has to say on her account in the epilogue.
It can be a small and terrible world.

*I received a free copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. 

01 June 2016

Wordful Wednesday//Bond, Parental Bond

Shaken, not stirred, right??

Okay--let's move away from Mr. Bond and towards what this post is really about: the bond I share with my parents.

Living with your parents in your 20s is different from when you are that moody teenager. I am actually not as independent now as I was then; the responsibility for me that falls onto my parents is practically greater now as well.

There's nothing wrong to be said about people that need or choose to live with their parents. But it was not in my original plan. I mean, I didn't think I'd be sick either, but look what happens in this world. Your planning can go wrong in a second. Or if you're me, it can go wrong from a bite by something the size of a poppy seed.

I am thankful I do have this strong and secure bond with my parents because being sick without that support would be excruciating. From hearing what other people have had to say about their experiences with the lack of parental support, I know how blessed I am. My parents have never really treated me like a burden, which is what I have always been fearful of them doing. They have treated me as sick when I've needed them to be there, but they also treat me as a person because that's what I am.

When first ill, experiencing horrific symptoms, my mother never doubted me. She never brushed it off as something less than it was even when she was told by others that nothing was wrong with me. She would demand second opinions, and when she could tell I was too frazzled to question a doctor or speak up for myself, she would do so for me.

At first, my father was not so quick to jump into the pool of my diagnosis, the doctors, and overall, trying to understand the whys and hows of my sickness. He would constantly ask me why God would make me this sick. He could not fathom why I suddenly went from relatively healthy to bedbound.

While he seemed to have troubling doubts with his faith, my doubts too were like a pendulum swinging. Some days I would curse God and cry out how unfair it was. Why me? I couldn't understand why my happiness had been taken, leaving me miserable.

Other days, my love for God soared. I was grateful for what he had given me, even with a major illness taking parts of me and my life away. Just look at the family God had surrounded me with!

So here's to my mother. My father. And of course, the higher power. I am grateful for all the parents I have in my life.