03 December 2014

Wordful Wednesday//Holidaze

Let's face it, the holidays are exhausting for everyone. 

But when you're left tired from simply taking a shower or cooking your own breakfast, you might not be able to make it through what everyone expects you to. Especially when it comes to socializing and engaging in all the hubbub that comes with a full table of family members. 

There's just not enough energy to spend on others when you are trying to look after yourself. 

Aaanddd...that's exactly what happened to me over Thanksgiving. I did try to take part in activities, but my body just couldn't handle it. After about a five hour car ride, I was basically immobilized for two days with my joints all out of whack, auras from both migraines and seizures, and that just horrible crummy feeling all over. While the rest of my family was out eating, or inside playing the games Charades or Catch Phrase, I was tucked under the covers suffering. 

I think what bothered me the most, what really made me cry, what angered me over my illness was that my family all had their picture taken beside the waterfront. Beautiful picture. What was missing? Me. I felt absolutely awful. What's more, I felt invisible. I didn't even want to go onto Facebook to see the pictures there, reminding me of how my illness has taken away my ability to be with my family. 

You know when you're younger, you almost always hate having your picture taken with family, and you really hate going to family gatherings? I remember faking colds so I could get out of them sometimes. 
You're like OH MY GOSH, I want to stay home in my pj's, play video games, and watch TV instead. 
I'm so backwards now. Instead of going to all these holiday dinners, I'm at home, watching Netflix and surfing the web. Always in pain. Always exhausted from being sick and from asking God, "Why?" 

If you caught some crud over the holidays, I hope you get well soon. But I also hope you got to be with your family--to spend that special time with them. Treasure those moments. Even the ones you love to hate. Be grateful for Grandma's horrible fruitcake that no one touches. And make sure to appear in those photos you say you don't want to be in. 

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